Welcome to The Mental Arena, a newsletter where I share mental performance tools and pressure-tested insights to help you build confidence, strengthen your focus, and develop the mindset to win—in sport and life.

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The Kind of Coach Athletes Actually Want

read time 6 minutes

My jersey drapes my upper body like a poncho. My spandex shorts are more sag than snug on my flamingo legs. Long and lanky, I see a scarecrow when I look in the mirror.

A complete stranger has another description.

"Bambi."

I'm all legs, all wide-eyed, and I guess all fawn-like as I warm up for the biggest match in my volleyball life. Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm an eighth-grader playing on the high school varsity team. I'm not just playing, I'm starting.

It's one of the referees who pins the moniker, ''Bambi'' on me. After saying it, she looks at my head coach, Dawn C'de Baca, adding with her inside voice, "Really? This is who you're starting?"

Coach Dawn never flinches, never blinks. But she replies, "You just wait. This 'Bambi' will soon become a Beast."

She spoke not to defend me, but to define me to those whose sight is unseen when it comes to untapped talent. True, I was more potential than polish in that moment, and yet her belief was neither bold, nor blind. And best of all, it was unbreakable.

I never heard the stories of parents calling administrators, questioning her decision to start a 13-year-old over juniors and seniors, and of others threatening her job until much later in life. She could have easily crumbled like a sand castle against the incoming tide. She didn't. Instead, she faced the storms face-first, anchoring herself on her belief in me.

When Coach Dawn announced my arrival, I was still promise without proof. One night reversed that order, the night we faced powerhouse Taos High School, who just happened to possess a Division I outside hitter named Georgia Whitson.

As fate would have it, when Georgia was in the front row, I was in the back. She spiked. I dug. Over and over and over. When the final whistle blew, we walked out with a win, and I filled a stat sheet that was all fact, no brag.

That was the night "The Beast" awoke inside "Bambi." Coach Dawn saw it. But it took that night for me to finally believe it.

A mentor of mine often reminds me:

When I think back to the best coaches that I've been blessed to have in my life, I notice a common thread that connects them. It's not the ones who barked the loudest or had the thickest playbooks. It's the ones who made me feel seen, valued, trusted. And because they did, I played harder, I grew faster, I showed up differently.

So the real question is: What makes a great coach—beyond the X’s and O’s?

The Research: What the Science Says About Coaching

In 2008, researchers Rieke, Hammermeister, and Chase set out to answer a question every coach should care about: What type of leadership actually helps athletes thrive?

They studied traditional “command-and-control” coaching—where authority, discipline, and compliance take center stage—against a different style: servant leadership.

Servant leadership flips the script. Instead of asking, “How can athletes give more to me?” The coach asks, “How can I give more to them?”

The results were clear. Athletes who saw their coaches as servant leaders reported higher levels of:

• Intrinsic motivation (they played because they loved it, not because they feared the bench)
• Mental skill use (they applied focus, visualization, and self-talk more consistently)
• Commitment and confidence (they trusted their coaches and themselves)
• Overall satisfaction (they enjoyed the game and their role in it)

From this study came the Revised Servant Leadership Profile for Sport (RSLP-S)—a tool designed to measure how strongly athletes perceive their coaches as servant-leaders.

The takeaway?

The coaches who create the strongest trust are the ones who unlock the deepest buy-in. Trust opens the door. Buy-in walks through it.

Mental Lesson: Redefining Toughness

We’ve been given the wrong playbook for toughness.

Fake toughness wears armor that cracks under pressure. It bulldozes through pain, suppresses emotion, and calls it grit. But grit without wisdom is fragility waiting to snap, like an old, worn-out rubber band.

Real toughness is different.
​
It's bamboo bending in the wind but never breaking.
It’s steering the ship through the storm with a steady hand instead of plowing forward blind and hoping not to sink.

That’s the heart of servant leadership. Great coaches create conditions where athletes learn to trust themselves, their preparation, and their process. They don’t suppress emotions; they equip athletes to use them wisely.

And here’s where I connect it to what I call The Michelangelo Effect. Michelangelo once said he didn’t “create” David—he simply chipped away the stone until the figure inside was revealed. Servant leaders do the same. They don’t add weight or cover athletes with fear. They carve away doubt, shame, and hesitation so what’s already inside can emerge, and confidence can stand tall.

Think about the two types of responses an athlete gets after a mistake:

• Words of Power: A coach uses the mistake as a tool, shaping skill and sharpening belief like a craftsman with a chisel.
• Words of Poison: A coach uses the mistake to embarrass, corroding confidence like acid until the athlete questions their worth.

One builds resilience. The other breeds fear.

Toughness is presence under pressure. It’s the ability to work with what’s happening inside you, instead of against it. And just like Michelangelo’s sculpture, greatness often comes from chipping away what doesn’t belong.

Next Rep: Inform to Perform

The best leaders communicate clearly, efficiently, and calmly. One strategy I use with athletes is simple: lead with information instead of commands.

I call this Inform to Perform.

Information is a compass. Commands are just arrows barked from the sideline. One helps athletes navigate challenges. The other only points and leaves them spiraling.

Here’s the difference:

Command: “Lock in!”
​Information: “Two possessions left. This is where focus matters.”

Command: “Sprint back!”
​Information: “They’ve got numbers. Their transition is wide open.”

Command: “Stop dropping your elbow!”
​Information: “When your elbow stays up, you get more arc and control.”

Command: “Get your head in the game!”
​Information: “It looks like you’re stuck on the last play. What’s your next best action?”

When we offer information, we create space for athletes to respond and act, not just react.

That’s what builds real confidence: knowing what’s happening, believing you still have the skill to perform, and learning to respond with purpose.

Try This:

• Use one piece of information instead of a command in your next training session.
• Allow your athletes to adjust without being told what to do.
• See how they respond.

Small shift. Big payoff.

Athletes who think for themselves perform better under pressure. That starts with how we speak as leaders.

Final Buzzer

The Michelangelo Effect reminds us that great leaders don’t force. They see the masterpiece already inside their athletes and remove what gets in the way. They chip away fear. They carve out doubt. They create space for confidence to emerge.

That’s the work of a servant leader. It’s about standing beside with clarity, not about standing above with commands. Inform to Perform is part of that. Because words can either close doors or open them. Commands demand compliance. Information invites ownership. The more those we lead, love, and teach understand what’s happening and why, the more capable they become of leading themselves.

That’s what Coach Dawn gave me all those years ago. That's what Coach Dawn still gives me today. She didn’t just see the Bambi I was; she also saw the Beast I could become. And by believing in me, by informing me, by pushing me with belief instead of fear, she gave me the confidence to grow into that version of myself, and is someone I rely on to this very day.

The best coaches don’t create greatness out of nothing. They uncover what’s already there, chip away the doubt, and light the spark of belief that turns Bambi into The Beast.

Challenging you head-on and always in your corner,
​— Coach VJ

Thanks for reading. Your next issue of The Mental Arena drops October 14th.

P.S. Happy belated birthday, Coach Dawn. Thank you for believing in me before the rest of the world knew what I could become.

Upcoming Speaking Events:

Am I coming to a city near you? Let me know!
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October 15 - Pottsville, Pennsylvania
October 17 - Santa Fe, New Mexico
October 20 - Mora, New Mexico
October 21 - Albuquerque, New Mexico
October 23 - Albuquerque, New Mexico
November 1 - Featherville, Idaho
November 21 - Portland, Oregon
March 20-21 - Arlington, Virginia ('26)
March 27-28 - Springfield, Massachusetts ('26)

Interested in bringing me in to speak to your team or organization?
​Request an event or shoot an email to support@mentalitysolutions.com to get on the schedule.

Resources:

The Confidence Blueprint Online Course